A peek at one Sutra

The Yoga Sutras of Patanjali are an amazing resource for yoga. I am astounded at how profound and relevant they are to my life, and those around me even though they were written thousands of years ago. Recently we had an assignment to begin to apply a certain Sutra (I.33) to our daily lives. It says:

"The clarification of the mind comes from cultivating friendliness with happiness, compassion with pain, joy with virtue and neutrality with non-virtue"

What does that mean? Well, it applies mostly to our relationships with other - and of course the relationship with ourselves. But we can look at this and apply it to how we interact with our family, loved ones, even strangers. It may seem so simple at first and even easy to apply - of course I am happy when my best friend is happy, of course I feel compassion towards others pain, who doesn't want to see others doing charitable work and so on, but how many times have we felt the pangs of jealousy over someone's fortune? We see a stranger win the lottery and think, "why don't I ever win anything," a coworker gets a big promotion and you wonder why you didn't, or your partner has an amazing day, but yours sucked so you have a hard time feeling happy for him, has this ever happened? What about someone's pain? When you find out someone is ill with a threatening disease, you feel so much compassion, but do you feel that way on all levels of pain? Do you ever look at someone in pain and think "get over it!" What about when someone is virtuous? They donate there time and money and get all this recognition (well, you may think, that is why they did it!). And how about when someone commits a non-virtuous act? Someone cuts you off on the highway and you swear at them, people lie and steal and cheat and you curse them in your head, but where does that get you? What if you could bring a little neutrality to a situation like that? Do you know what their situation is like, maybe an addiction? There are so many instances that this sutra comes into play every single day of our lives.

Even the awareness of it has been an eye-opener for me. I see the reactions that I have to people and situations now. I can't change what my initial reaction is, but I can work to bring another emotion in if necessary. I can't say it works all the time, but I imagine what it is like when I am cultivating pure friendliness for someone's well-deserved vacation instead of feeling slightly jealous because I haven't gone been out of the country in years. The awareness also helps me to realize just how much time and energy I spend stewing on things. I've wasted hours and lost sleep over how I feel about others. No wonder it says that cultivating these attitudes can bring "clarification of the mind." That is the purpose of yoga, to purify the mind. Right now it is cluttered holding on to emotions like jealousy, anger, resentment over things that aren't necessary!

Yoga and sewing

This is my new sewing machine that I got a few weeks ago. I've been testing the waters and have already made a pair of leggings, a dress and now I am on to a very complicated purse.

While I was mid-way through the dress, I realized that sewing is a really good practice for me. I never had a lot of patience, or super-fine attention to details, but when sewing, you need those qualities turned on. I've noticed that, through yoga, I have more patience with myself, which is where I needed it most, but also with other situations and people. I was a never a person that read all the directions, I thought most of the time I can figure it out myself and directions wasted precious time - until you mess something up and have to re-do everything. With sewing, they recommend to read all directions before even starting, and I am actually trying that now. It gives me an idea of what the big picture is and what I will need to prepare for. There are also so many preparatory steps, the boring stuff! Washing, ironing, cutting and more cutting, pinning - it takes up more time that sewing! I found that difficult at first, but I am learning to enjoy those steps as part of the whole process as much as the actual sewing parts.

Sewing is like a mini-dharana practice, which is concentrating the mind, a single focus (dharana is one of the 8 Limbs of Yoga). With each step in a sewing project I am completely absorbed into it, trying not to remember the one before (that maybe I didn't do as well as I wanted) and not looking ahead to see what I am going to do next. For me, a shiny new beginner at sewing, it is about diligently going through the necessary steps, taking care that I complete the task at hand before moving on. I take frequent brakes so as not to rush through (since of course I just want the end product asap), but sewing is the process of creating something. I am creating something that I could have easily purchased, but without the fun journey of getting there.

Homework

We have a homework assignment due this weekend and I was really excited about it. Our teacher asked us "What matters, or what do we care about? (in terms of yoga) What engages us in a pose, or I boil it down to - Why do I keep practicing? Then we had to find a picture that embodied it. In our last class we went through a long list of reasons people stay engaged in a pose and continue to practice, such as physical sensations, breath, alignment, drshti (focal point), imagery, music, spoken word, the process of serenity, humor, community, prana, etc... I extracted 4 things that mean the most to me and are the reasons I keep coming back to the mat - Community, Beauty, Strength and Tradition. I looked through over a year's worth of Yoga Journal magazines and other yoga magazines I save. I never found anything that really spoke to me on all 4 levels that I mentioned. So I went looking in Capoeira images and chose the one I have posted here. To me Capoeira also embodies community, beauty, strength and tradition. Granted I have only been practicing for a few months, I feel the draw to continue my study of it because of these reasons. Seeing an image like this inspires me to keep going at it.

Along with the photo, we had to write a paragraph explaining what matters to us. I was excited about this assignment because sometimes I feel like I just go through the motions - I show up to my class on Tuesday morning because I always do, it's part of my routine. I can sometimes forget why I love yoga and am devoting so much to it. The big picture escapes me because I am lost in the details. So this has helped me to connect with those reasons again and now I have it in a place I can come back to when I forget. I can also re-evaluate it, maybe the list will grow and change over time. It's always a process, isn't it?

Here is my response for class:

The things that bring me to my classes each week, and motivate me to teach yoga are community, beauty, strength and tradition. Through yoga, I have made amazing friends and have a way to get close to others. I have been able to explore a new world, be exposed to new people and activities and find a healthy way to connect with others. Beauty is another reason I practice. I love to see what human bodies are capable of and I like to watch the way different bodies move and approach a pose. But the beauty aspect is two-fold, as it is also how I feel about myself as I am practicing and as a result of my practice. Yoga has helped me find a deeper self-confidence, something that has been a very long process. Along similar lines is strength, which is not only physical strength, but also mental strength. The practice of yoga tones the body, but it also tones the mind, teaching it to focus on the task at hand, to come back to the present when it wanders and to be open to what life puts in front of us. Lastly, after years of an asana practice, I have been recently finding that the history and tradition of yoga is another reason that I come back to my mat. I am continually amazed that things that were written about in the Yoga Sutras of Patanjali are still relevant today and resonate deeply within me. I have begun to scratch the surface of Sanskrit and want to go deeper with my study of that as well.

Headstand and Shoulder Stand

Sirsasana and Sarvangasana, often referred to as the "King and Queen" of the yoga postures and I am on the journey to find out why and how that applies to my practice.

In the most recent training weekend we approached full Headstand, as opposed the the many headstand preparations that can be done. I've done Headstand in the past, although I was never taught the prep first. I think I remember seeing it in a book in college and just going for it, without bothering to build the necessary strength and stamina to do it. Headstand should not be done until you have gained that strength. Poses such as Dolphin, is great for the shoulders. Then you can slowly work walking your feet closing to your body and eventually bringing your head to the mat and allowing a small amount of weight on it as your neck grows stronger. There are many other preps that a good teacher can also assist you on. Having learned that and gained the mobility and flexibility, I am now learning where I should be on my head and how to counter-lever in order for my legs to come up easily and together.

I've had a similar journey with Shoulder Stand. In the past year I have learned the importance of blankets in the pose, I find that 3 are working for me. The blankets aid in keeping your cervical spine (neck) from flattening and bearing all the weight of your body. Different neck lengths, shoulder tightness, etc... will determine what blanket set-up is right for you. There are also various preps for this, it can be done near a wall so that your knees are bent and feet are on the wall so again, not all the body weight is on your neck and shoulders.

I am now starting to practice these 2 poses everyday. I've been taught that Headstand must be followed by Shoulder Stand in a ratio of 1:2. So if I do 2 minutes of Headstand, I should do 4min of Shoulder Stand, but Shoulder Stand can be practiced by itself. It is a great pose to do before bed as it calms the nervous system. We were taught that it is primarily an energetic counter. Headstand builds heat and energy, while Shoulder Stand puts you into your Parasympathetic Nervous System, calming you down.

These poses are not easy! Anyone starting out should find a qualified teacher to guide them before practicing at home.

Here is a short article from Yoga Journal on the two poses.

New Shoes!

I just got a pair of these silly-looking things, but man are they fun! I've been walking a bit in them over the last few days and it is great to feel that connection with the earth while walking down the street or buying groceries. They are definitely conversation starters and I think Seattle has it's own unique fashion sense that I don't feel terribly out of place in them.

Today I took them out for my first run (side-note, I've been off the running wagon, so both the shoes and the running was a bit new to me). I took it easy, though, and found a slow and steady stride. I took breaks often - mostly because I am out of running shape, but the shoes felt great. It was a little weird to get used to the different stride, my whole body seemed to adjust to it, but I felt like my body was made to run more like this than with a normal running shoe. I think I will be sore in different places tomorrow, though!

I have read some of the research on "bare-foot running" and tend to agree with it, but I also just like the idea of it. Practicing yoga and practically living in bare-feet as it is right now, I usually hate putting shoes on. So it feels good to walk around in a simulated bare-foot and still feel like your feet are safe. I certainly don't think these shoes are for everyone. I know my feet have gotten strong from yoga over the years.

Note: I got Vibram's Bikila shoe because they made this one specifically for running with just a touch more padding. Also, they are not easy to put on, but it gets easier.

"Are you OK with being uncomfortable?"

The other day I was chatting with the man that owns the store where I buy my cat food. He was talking about how he just finished getting his motorcycle license. Being in Seattle (and yes, it rains almost everyday in the winter), I asked him how riding was in the city and he said it was not so bad. I commented that it is something that I had always I'd wanted to try. He then asked "Are you OK with being uncomfortable?" And I actually started to laugh. The first thing that popped into my head was, "Well of course, I practice yoga."

Many aspects of yoga are uncomfortable, we sweat, move, contort, flex and stretch our bodies in class. Now I can hear myself echoing my wonderful teacher and friend, Jude, but what those many moments of discomfort on the mat have provided me with is the ability to see how I deal with being uncomfortable in my life. Do I immediately back off when I feel uncomfortable in a pose? Do I try to distinguish if I am feeling pain where I shouldn't, or is the pose just difficult and I am building strength? If I ease off a little, can I still stay in the pose, but find more comfort in it?

And who doesn't have discomfort in their daily life? How do I deal with a difficult work day? Or a fight with a friend or loved one? Do I back away from, rush through or ignore the problem? Or do I find another way to approach the uncomfortable situation?

This lesson that has been taught to me for years (again, thanks to Jude) is just starting to sink in. How I approach my time on the mat is a reflection of how I approach other aspects of my life. Now that I can really see it in my asana practice, it is time to see it in my everyday life.

Alright, off to practice yoga where I hope to find more comfort in the uncomfortable.

Capoeira

Last Wednesday night was my third class of Capoeira. We (the fiance and I) are doing it once a week, for a 10-week beginner series. It is an intense workout and very addicting. After the first class, we could barely walk for 2 days after, now I am feeling a little better as my body gets used to the movements.

Capoeira involves martial arts, dance and music. Our class is designed like a really fun boot camp set to great music. We run, do cartwheels, side shuffles, push-ups, sit-ups and lots and lots of kicks! Some things are coming very easily to me (thankfully I can still do a great cartwheel!) and some things aren't. With yoga, especially the yoga I am currently doing, all the moves are very studied and carefully executed. So swinging my leg around to kick (and kick as fast as possible and ultimately kicking high, too) is not happening with my hip joints quite yet. I knew going in that I was a beginner and I liked that part of it. I've been doing yoga so long I forgot what it feels like to be new to different movements. At the same time, though, I feel like I am in pretty decent shape and that I should be up for the workout. I was wrong! I realized my body is in shape for yoga, not in Capoeira shape yet!

Because there were some people brand new to Capoeira, at the end of class they said "Be patient with what you are and are not good at." Which struck me as very profound. It reminded me of the Yoga Sutras, specifically I.4 "Otherwise [without yoga] we conform to the identities of the mind." I take that to also mean not conforming to all the labels by which we define ourselves. ie. "I like yoga," I am a good cook," "I don't study well," "I'm not good at this pose," etc... By labeling myself like that, I am limited by the categorizations of my strengths, weaknesses, likes and dislikes. My teacher called this a "Starbucks mentality." We can make all these choices - I'll have a double-tall, soy, split-shot, sugar-free vanilla latte. But these choices are packing who we are into smaller and smaller boxes and we're left with very little room.

So when she said "be patient with what you are and are not good at." I take that to mean the next time I go into class (Capoeira, yoga or anything) I want to leave the "I do great cartwheels and crappy kicks" at the door and just do the class to the best of my ability, wherever I am (body and mind) at the present moment.

Check this Capoeira video out, it shows a good range of the training and the "fighting."

Neglectful blogging

I have neglected you, my little blog, but I am back and with a desire to devote more energy to this project of mine.

Recently I went to San Diego to visit my family, and didn't take a yoga class for about a week and half - which feels like an eternity when you practice consistently. I took walks, did some home practice and even used my mom as a guinea pig for some practice sessions in teaching, learning that I have a long way to go in developing the teaching skills.

I went down there with the hopes of studying the sutras, practicing pranayama and finishing my anatomy homework to get a solid jump on it all before class this coming weekend. I was a little over zealous, I guess, as I didn't get any of that done. I felt guilty about neglecting my practice (which includes this blog) and my homework - until today. I finally buckled down and dedicated the time to something I love dearly. I didn't even need to carve out many hours, just some moments when I wasn't trying to do anything else. Therein lies my dilemma - Why is it hard to find time to do what I love? How can it be so easy to make excuses for something that makes me feel so good - physically and mentally?

Putting the guilt and excuses aside, I've decided to do something radical - forgive myself. Along with forgiving myself, I am not going to create unreasonable goals in order to "make-up" for what I feel I've missed. I am allowing my past to be part of the path I am on, instead of resisting and trying to overcorrect for it. The fact that I slacked off does not mean I am a slacker. I am still just me, working on accepting the ever-changing present.

Rock Climbing

Yesterday, Davin (my fiance) and I took an Intro to Rock Climbing class. We went to Seattle Vertical World in the Queen Anne neighborhood of Seattle.

I signed up because it was a new challenge to try and I also thought it would be an interesting thing to do along with the yoga training. As I've said, I want to explore different forms of movement.

The class was 3 hours long and most of that time was devoted to the safety protocols of climbing (how to get into the harness, tie ropes and properly belay). I was nervous at first, I thought the height would scare me. As the class went on I realized that I was more scared of belaying. Having Davin's life in my hands was slightly terrifying. But we practiced a lot before we even climbed and then did short stints climbing up a few feet while the instructors watched us.

And so my confidence grew. Davin and I ended up staying an hour after our class to practice. I was tired and hungry, but the challenge was too tempting. I manged to even get to the top of the wall, after slowing down my climb and learning to carefully calculate my moves, I was finally having fun. But I realized it didn't matter about how high I climbed, it was about how I approached the wall. Not rushing my moves, setting up properly and feeling good - those were what I would count a the biggest take-aways. I was a beginner and every movement is new to me. That was when I realized I was practicing yoga as I was climbing. When I was rushing to get to the top, I was ignoring the whole point. Slowing down, enjoying where I was (clinging to a wall 30ft up in the air) and feeling the freedom of moving my body - that is yoga. I got to use new muscles, which I am definitely feeling today, and reveal a hidden strength.

Rock climbing also demands that you check yourself and your partner before getting on the wall. Are your straps double-backed? Harness above your hips? How is your figure-eight follow-through knot, etc...? You wouldn't start an asana class by launching into a large back bend, like Wheel Pose. You would warm up the right muscles to allow the movement. With rock climbing, yours and your partner's life are in your hands. With yoga, injury prevention and ease are in your hands. Both remind us to slow down and not rush the practice. Because that is exactly what it is - a practice.

First weekend!

This past weekend was the first session in the teacher training. It was awesome!

There are a total of 27 students (the most the program will allow) and 3 teachers. Also, students of the 500hr training program come in to assist. Theresa Elliott teaches Asanas (postures), Paul Bubak, M.D. teaches Anatomy and Katheryn Payne teaches Pranayama, Philosophy and Sanskrit. Almost all 10 weekends of this program are Fri-Sunday (Fridays 10-5, Saturdays 10-7 and Sundays 10-5).

Friday we had a program overview and jumped right into asana work, exploring lateral standing postures: Virabhadrasana II (Warrior II), Parsvakonasana (Extended Side-angle pose) and Trikonasana (Triangle pose). We become very familiar with the core of the body and I must admit that I did not really understand what teachers were talking about when they said "core," "pelvic floor," and "Mulha Banda." I thought I did, but actually being able to see what muscles are involved (in our anatomy book) and how to engage the perineum, transverse abdominus and multifidi and use them to help you into postures was amazing. That already has changed the way I approach poses now.

Saturday was an introduction to Pranayama and poses that help to set the body up for Pranayama. Then on to Sankrit with an introduction of the Yoga Sutras. The last 2 hours of the day was an introduction to Anatomy. It was a long day of sitting, which was almost more demanding than a day of standing posture work.

By Sunday I was exhausted, but jazzed. I loved the feeling of being totally wiped out, but wanting to get everything I could from every moment there. The day was dedicated to the core of the body. Again, the importance of the core (knowing what it is and how to engage it) is now burned into my brain. It is not just important for yoga, but for living!

From day 1 we were observing our classmates, checking alignment and learning how to cue them into better alignment (verbally, physically, do they need props?) already putting ourselves into roles of teachers. Our class is full of wonderful people from all age rages (early 20s to 70s!), abilities and body types. Having that range is so important to be able to see how different bodies work with yoga and movement.

There are so many things that we gained from this weekend, I can't wait to go back for another. But for now I am patient as I work what I learned into my practice and continue on the journey.

Homework Assignment #1

From "The Anatomy Coloring Book" by Wynn Kapit/Lawrence M. Elson, this assignment was emailed to us the other week as we haven't begun the course yet (3 days and counting!). We don't have to do the coloring on every page they assigned, but a) I know I will learn better if I do and b) who can resist a coloring book!?

So far, the pages we have been assigned to pertain to anatomic planes and sections (how the body is divided), terms of position and direction (how we make reference to movements, etc in relation to the body), the systems of the body and then we dive deeper into the details of the skeleton and joint structure.

One of the reasons I am studying yoga is to better understand how the human body works. I am continually amazed by what we can do, especially now, watching the 2010 Winter Olympics. Athletes are exceeding expectations of what we thought the body was capable of and inspiring the world along the way. Yoga can help us to understand the connection of our physical structure. With that, we become more aware of what our body is telling us and asking for. This book, and the course, will help me to further develop the knowledge of which muscles, bones and joints are integrated into which poses and movements, allowing me to have a safer practice and safely direct others with theirs.

Ommm

AUM*

I have to admit that I have trouble "Oming." You know, that beautiful, universe-enhancing, joy-creating sound of Om. I get embarrassed when it comes time to chant Om, whether it is at the beginning of class or the end. What if I am louder than everyone else? What if my timing is off and I am the only one chanting? Then, inevitably, my voice cracks and falters, I lose my steam and my Om skips away from my throat, like it shouldn't have been there in the first place. Once in a blue moon I have the full feeling of the word in my body. It sends vibrations down my spine and I can hear and feel my voice filling up the room with the rich noise. In those rare moments I feel invigorated and strong. The majority of the time it is the opposite.

This is something that I have thought about a lot (read: too much). I am going to eventually have to lead other people in the chanting of Om. I will have to be the loudest one and have the confidence to not care if no one else is joining me or not. It is a tiny hurdle to overcome.

In writing this post, I realized I can't honestly give the definition of Om (or AUM). I found the following in "Light on Pranayama" by B.K.S Iyengar (this is a short passage on the pages that are devoted to AUM in this book):

*AUM (Om) conveys concepts of omnipotence and universality. It contains everything that is auspicious as well as awe-inspiring. It is a symbol of serenity and majestic power. AUM is the everlasting spirit, the highest aim. When its connotations are fully known, all longings are fulfilled. It is the surest means of salvation and the supreme help. It connotes the fullness of human life, thought and worship. It is the immortal sound. Those who enter and take refuge become immortal.

Wow. No wonder I have struggled!

About to begin, yet already started

"The central question in a warrior's training is not how we avoid uncertainty and fear, but how we relate to discomfort. How do we practice with difficulty, with our emotions, with the unpredictable encounters of an ordinary day?"

-Pema Chödrön

In a little over 3 weeks I will start a yoga teacher training program. This is something that I have dreamed about doing since I took my first class 10 years ago. At the time I fantasized that it would be a fun thing to do with my life, a better option than "working," I thought. Of course I still think it will be fun, or I wouldn't be doing it, but recently I have realized that yoga is work. The practice of yoga requires discipline and focus, but even more it requires patience and kindness. I am not only referring to the pretzel-like shapes into which we try to contort ourselves, or holding chair pose until our legs burn like fire. I speak of the mental and emotional trials we experience as we journey with yoga in our lives. When discomfort arises during practice (and life) in whatever form it may take, we must meet that sensation with kindness and patience, extending that compassion to ourselves and others.

Lately I have been experiencing some forms of discomfort in my practice. In these months, now weeks, leading up to when I begin the course and path to becoming a teacher (or I guess I've always been on it, in a sense?) I find I am anxious, excited and nervous. Anxious and excited to start something I have desired deeply for so long, but nervous because I don't know if I am ready. Do I have what it takes to be a teacher? Not just a teacher, but a good one? I have no idea what it is like to teach yoga, but I do know that all teachers are students first, and as a student I will continue trying to meet my fears and doubts with compassion.